Fuck the police comin straight from the underground
A young nigga got it bad cause I'm brown
And not the other color so police think
they have the authority to kill a minority
Fuck that shit, cause I ain't the one
for a punk motherfucker with a badge and a gun
to be beatin on, and thrown in jail
We can go toe to toe in the middle of a cell
Fuckin with me cause I'm a teenager
with a little bit of gold and a pager
Searchin my car, lookin for the product
Thinkin every nigga is sellin narcotics

Alright, I think that's enough. Perfect summer song for driving down the hood, poppin' caps in Whitey. And when I'm resting from my busy thug schedule, I write a review of Beetlejuice. And now, Beetlejuice.

June 3rd, 04 by Rob
Wow, guess what time it is? Mail time, honkeys.

No, unnamed email sender, I am not obssesed with Sarah Silverman. That's Joe's obsession, not mine. Now what kind of lady am I in to? Good question (though I was the one who had to ask it). Almost ten years ago, in a chemistry experiment gone awry, my cat blew up the TV, and since then I have not really payed attention to pop culture. That being said, I can't remember anything before 1995, and the only girl that pops into my head is none of than Lisa Loeb. Whom? Why that girl who song 'Stay'. What else? I have no fucking idea. But listen to these facts!

Fun Fact: Lisa Loeb has released four albums since the one that had 'Stay'. I mention this because I had no idea. I don't think anybody knew.

Fun Fact: Lisa Loeb is the original emo. Look at those glasses. Those are primitive emo glasses.

Fun Fact: Lisa Loeb has a strange obsession with cats. Always with the cats. If I know anything about the ladies, that makes her a lesbian, and if I know anything about the lesbians, it's that I enjoy that kind of thing.

Now for what nobody came for: A new rant by Josh Norsen. I spent all this time updating, so I should probably make a link to it. RIGHT HERE.

April 27th, 04 by Rob
I know it's been an obscenely long time for an update, but it was worth it. Oh man, was it ever worth it. First off, the reason for my abscence was because I was trapped in a subterranean prison by a disgruntled substitute teacher who attempted to make me his bride and/or sex slave. I know that sounds like such a worn out cliche excuse, but it's the truth. First off, there's a new rant up, written by none other than me, so it'll be awesome (though I personally think it fucking sucks, but whatever). So you guys go ahead and check that out. Finally, the huge unveiling of the PHOTOS section that has been sitting there for like a fucking year now, doing nothing but wasting precious space on the site, is now up. It was a fucking bitch to do, that's why I'm making such a big deal. But I would really appreciate it if you guys would check it out, drop me a line, be all like "Yo, R-Unit, your photos are ill!" Then I'll either laugh or be in shock because someone called me R-Unit. I saw a car parked across my street that said "B-Unit" on his window. Then I threw up all three bags of Oreos I just ate fifteen minutes prior.

Anyway, another thing I want you guys to do is SPAM! SPAM SPAM SPAM! There's some banners in the Art section, I'm going to make buttons and the such, so fucking spam that shit, woman. Maybe I will get other people other than Damian visiting.

Sup, Damian? NEW RANT NEW RANT NEW RANT!!! PHOTOS PHOTOS PHOTOS!!!

March 9th, 04 by Rob
Oh... my... God. I finally did it. See that button way up top under the News logo that says 'art', and when you would click on it it would lead you to a page with pretty much nothing on it? Yeah, that section is up. I like to call it 'Art'. It's where we'll put up the banners and the buttons and the stuff of that nature. I'm thinking of ideas for a new rant, and when I do, it'll be up soon after that. I'm trying hard to update the site more often. On the side, there's a small box that says 'Updates', where we put the links to the latest rant/review. That will also be for minor updates. So if you don't see any new updates here, where I write my long, on going sentances that seem to never, ever end (even when you want it to... bitch), doesn't mean it's not updated in some little way. Check the box. I also put up a counter on the index page, so I can make sure that I'm wasting my time with this site.

March 5th, 04 by Rob
Everybody wish me a happy birthday. Good. Wishing time is over. So what have I been up to since the last update? Well, I wrote a new rant. Actually, it was written on Valentine's Day, but it's only being posted now because nobody will read it anyway. It's just for my own personal amusement. But I do have an announcement to make: The Oscars are a sham. Why would I throw such an accusation? Well, for starters, how could Lost In Translation win best original screenplay when a masterpiece I like to call You Got Served has graced our movie theaters? See it. Now. Maybe I'll write a rant about it. Maybe you will all burn in Hell. Maybe this is the link to the rant.

January 31st, 04 by Rob
People who visit this site can always pinpoint whenever I'm extremely bored. Yes, I realize no one ever visits this site, but that is beside the point. I am always extremely bored whenever you see it's updated. That usually means that I was also bored for some time before the update, because I had to write a new rant or something. Take now for example. I wrote a new review, i"ve updated the site with said review, and now you have the choice to read it or not. If you read it, I will feel accomplished. If you don't, well, I will probably go on one of my "nights out" and wake up on the highway near my house a couple of days later. The choice is up to you. Oh, and I reviewed Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Secret of Ooze, if you're interested... that is, if you wanna read it... JUST READ THE FUCKING REVIEW!

January 13th, 04 (enough with this confusing number bullshit) by Rob
A BRAND NEW RANT! But I didn't do it. Same with Joe or (ugh...) Josh. Therefore, anybody (who holds a degree in Hyperbolic Microbiology Rocketeering) can tell you that we have a new writer here today. You may have heard of him, as we make fun of him a lot on this site, almost as much as we make fun of Josh. No, that's a lie, we always make fun of Josh. Hold on, I'm going to get some soup.

...

Oh, right, you guys. So, yeah, Damian Bowness, douche-bag extraordinaire, wrote a new rant. It could be really, really terrible, but I don't know, I didn't even bother to read it. From what he tells me, it's about Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, and it sounds like he was sitting in the row behind me, copying down all the stuff I was muttering under my breath, because he seems to have everything down packed. CLICK HERE TO PREVENT DAMIAN FROM GOING ON ONE OF HIS NYQUILL BINGES!

12/24/3 by Rob
It's a Festivus miracle!

Recently receiving their album, I was on the hardcore-punk band Alexisonfire's website, when I noticed that their drummer's, Jesse, favorite movie was... Home Alone!

So, of course, I had to remind him how awesome the movie was via email. I got this email in reply.

thanks so much dude. i really appreciate it. and home alone one and two rule my life. 3 is a load of shit. rock on. macauley culkin for life.

jesse.aof.xox

Now how fucking awesome is that? Everybody pick up their album, it's amazing, especially if you're into hardcore or screemo. If you're not familiar on how fucking awesome Macaulay Culkin is, READ THIS RANT! I cannot stress this enough! Anyway, Happy Holidays, hopefully we'll update by New Years... I have to go replace my Christmas tree with a Festivus pole... I find tinsel very distracting.

12/3/3 by Rob

Other than that, I don't have much else to say. Oh, being inspired by the movie Richie Rich (which you can read about in my rant), I decided to get a rollercoaster for Christmas. Either that or a British butler.

Oh, I forgot to give the link.

11/29/3 by Rob
I decided that I will finally post a picture of me. Make fun if you want, but for one day, I was totally awesome. This pictured has not been Photoshop'd (or to a lesser extent, Pain Shop Pro'd). (Or to an even lesser, Josh-esque extent, Microsoft Paint'd).

Real updates will happen one day, don't worry.

Halloween was pretty fun. I got wasted, wore my Catholic Priest costume (complete with little boy), and died. But here I am... alive and stuff.

So, I think I should do some stuff. Cool stuff.

Rob, this update was worse than yours.

10/29/3 by Rob
Oh God, that last update was horrible... Anyway, quick update because my MSN isn't working. All the stuff you want to see is up, meaning that, yes, I finished the reviews page. Now we have to finish up Photos, Art and Profiles, otherwise all the stuff you people don't care for seeing. There's also a new inductee in the Writings department named "Tentatively Titled" (that's not the actual title, she just hasn't come up with one. Hurry up.) Note: Since then, she finally came up with one. It's called "Freedom of Release", and it destroys other writings for a living. Go team.)

So I guess this is where I say something funny like "woozle wuzzle" or whatever. Well, I need to translate French vocabulary and I haven't found my French dictionary yet, so I don't have time to think of one. That's why I'm letting the Captain Planet theme song (mystical MP3 format) do all the work. Fuck the police.

10/23/3 by Rob
School is so gay. School happens to be where I'm at now. Needless to say, I'm irritable. Funny thing though, the school administration monitors all computers, and they just deleted one of my friend's files because it said "Shit on a stick". So, FUCK THE ADMINISTRATION. FUCK LBPSB! YOU'RE READING THIS, AND IF YOU COULD SEE ME (which I wouldn't be surprised if you had cameras in the school), I WOULD EITHER BE GIVING YOU THE FINGER OR STANDING NAKED IN FRONT OF YOU, I HAVEN'T DECIDED YET.

*Ahem* Now that I got that out of my system, you will be seeing less of me for a bit, because my computer at home is a fucking asshole. It wouldn't turn on, then it would turn on, but now it's stuck on 16 colors. I can't even look at it anymore, it's like staring at the fat girl from The Practice. Whatever, I'm bored.

10/9/3 by Joe
Well, no, kids, I haven't died. I just got cancer. But now, I am back, due to a pleased God thanks to my sacrifices of 30 Albinos.

In celebration of this, I have also written up a new Rant. Go read it, as it will give future explanation to the fact that I may be sticking around... for a while.

And for those fucks that say I don't do anything: you're right.

Love, Joe

10/4/3 by Rob
Dear producers of House Of The Dead,

When movie producers want people to actually see their movie, they usually don't put a three year old DMX song in the commercials for said movie. I'm pretty sure they covered that in film school.

9/24/3 by Rob
I had a glorious afternoon today. During the summer, I was promised a two week job at the dry cleaners near my house. My first day of work went fine. I was with a friend, alone in the store, and we did a good job. Well, I did a good job, he flooded the place and talked to his girlfriend the whole time.

Then the guy doesn't hire me. I was pretty pissed, and when I asked why, he gave me some made up bullshit that you could tell he made up right then, and my friend and I did all that stuff. Then the guy refuses to pay me for the day of work. He says he only pays the people he hires... so he works me for a full day, then doesn't pay me.

So naturally I hate the guy.

Anyway, after school, I'm hanging out with my girlfriend at the convinient store (the American way of saying it, because I know that not many people will understand what a depanneur is), and a fairly attractive girl in a very nice car pulls in. As she's getting out, some guy in a SUV comes speeding in, and she backs up right into him. My first reaction was "HOLY SHIT!", but then exagerated laughter when I saw that the guy was the bastard from the dry cleaners.

Luckily none of them were hurt. The only thing that sucked was that the girl's car was the one that got totalled, the guy's SUV only had a giant dent in it. That stupid van/truck hybrid should've turned into a big ball of flame and exploded, but whatever. On the way to my girlfriend's house the attractive girl stopped us and asked us who he was. I was very glad to tell her where he worked and my story on how he's a jerk-off.

The Karma Police have caught up with him...

9/21/3 by Rob
Woah, when the new site is up, you will see AT LEAST two new rants by me, a new rant by Josh (which actually doesn't suck), and maybe a new rant by Joe. I haven't heard anything by him in that department. Wait! Don't scold him for it! He made this new site! APPLAUSE!

So yeah, my rants are one about who should be the Governer of California, Macaulay Culkin vs. Kieran Culkin and I'm writing a review for TMNT II: The Secret of Ooze. Oh shit, Joe said he was writing a rant about how rad Louis Stevens is. Whatever Joe says, I'm totally backing him up, Louis Stevens rocks. I just saw the made for TV movie of Even Stevens two days ago, and I laughed. Very, very hard.

Wait... why aren't I listening to Thursday's new album right now? Everybody should purchase this album and then listen to it like it's your audio bible.

9/4/3 by Joe
New rants coming soon, Rob wrote one on the Governor of California, and I am currently working on my Louis Stevens shrine. New host here at MKD.com, as well as a new (shitty) design by yours truly. Oh shit, X-Men Evolution rules. So does the old early 90's drama thirtysomethings. The nerd, Arnold Poindexter, from Revenge of the Nerds is in it. FUCK YES!

I have a bloated stomach. It turns out that during my last romp with my stripper gilfriend, one of the anal beads got stuck in my bowell tract and ruptured my shit pipes. I think I have about 4 days until my intestines have a huge shit explosion.

By the way.... I hate anyone that has the word 'Morbid' in their vocabulary. You are evil, if you use that word. Suck a D.